Fear, Peace & Joy

Thank you to so many of you for commenting, calling, praying, and loving me after the last post. I am sorry that it seems to have freaked out so many people! But, can I tell you how much I value your wisdom and love? I truly do.

My dear sister, Lisa, asked me, “What is your passion?” After I listed about 10 things, she said, “that’s too many.” Yep. Therein lies the problem.

When I’m at school, I love it (now).
When I’m at home cleaning or doing laundry, I love it. (I really do!)
When I’m with my children, I love it.
When I’m taking pictures, I love it.
When I’m ministering to others, I love it.
When I’m processing pictures, I love it.

Sigh. So much to love, so little time. That's really my quandary. I listened to Andy Stanley's series Discovering God's Will a year or two ago, and there was one message that hit on the idea of margin - that space in our lives where we live, rest, and play. It was in this time period that I knew I had to make changes at work and pursued the job share. I find myself in the same place.

I enjoyed the first year of part time work, but, as could be expected, I have filled every nook and cranny of life with busyness even with my "extra" time not spent in the classroom. I knew it was a challenge I would face, to avoid filling that time, and I failed. I laugh as I admit that failure because I got so upset with people who told me I still wouldn't get it all done. I did, for a while, until "the extra" came in and planted her tush right in the middle!

Another wise friend asked me today, "What is going to keep you from doing the same thing if you stop working?" Good point. The fact is, I'm going to fill my time, no matter how much I'm given. The grass does seem greener on the stay-at-home side when it comes to time. Time is about management, no matter how much I'm given.

So, in a much more optimistic position, I stumbled on to a post by a fellow pastor wife today that was touting Christine Caine's new book Can I Have And Do It All, Please? which led me straight to Amazon to read: (you can't block indent on blogger, by the way)

The truth is, you can have it all, and you can do it all...but often it's an incorrect perception of what the "all" is that can leave us feeling like we fall short. If we want to do this adventure called life well, and fulfil the purpose God has for our lives, we need to discover what His definition of the "all" is, and go after that. 21

I think that's the hardest part of this "decision." What is my purpose, and what is the "all" that God wants for me. As soon as I think of 100 reasons to stay home, I think of 100 more to stay put and work for the glory of God in the schools.

So, my search is for peace and joy in the wake of human fear.