A sweet Journey

Yesterday I got to my (belated) Bible reading. When I got to the day's scheduled reading, the topical heading was "Psalms of Joy and Praise."

I was really heading to my favorite nature spot at family camp to mourn and pout a little because our sweet pup is missing. I did NOT have joy or praise on my heart and mind. Totally not there. And, I think my response was an audible, "For REAL, God. Today?!"

See, I'm an animal lover. I have potential within to be a radical, fanatical animal lover that does some crazy ninja moves on you if you don't love your animal. It was only the crossroads of choosing between my pets or my children that pushed me more into the world of the human over the animal. I've never watched or read Old Yeller and was despondent for weeks when they showed Where the Red Fern Grows in the 4th grade. I can't tell you how many animals I've brought home in my lifetime.

In November, we added a sweet beagle puppy to our family. We did a lot of research and study on the breed and knew we were up for a challenge. And, it was with a bit of trepidation as I've already learned in a short year of living out here that country life is not pet-friendly. True to the breed description and tales we were told, this little beagle was the MOST hard-headed creature I've met. I commented often that it was a good thing she was cute. We could spend 20 minutes outside, and she would come in and pee in the floor. It would be bed time and and just as I reached down to pick her up and bring her in for the night, she would dart off; and I promise you, she would look over her tail at me as she ran away, and she was smiling and laughing. Little toot. There was the day we came home from Israel, after 36 or 41 or some big number of hours of travel, went to get her, and she jumped out the window of the car and ran into the woods right as we went to leave. Yes.she.did.

We knew she was wayward from her hunts where she would take off and, no matter how much we called her name, all we saw was a little white flagging tail running away from us. We knew she was headstrong and needed protection from herself. We loved her and wanted the best, and we set out to provide that best.

BUT, I REALLY loved her.

So, when the discipline of boundaries seemed unfair, I backed away and let her have her freedom.

When the pain of training seemed cruel, I backed away because it hurt ME, too.

When I received criticism for how I was training her, it hurt me, and I doubted myself and backed off what was actually best for her.

We've been at family camp this week - always a sweet time for our family - and the theme has been 'Our Family FIGHTS' based on Nehemiah 4:14, " Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and FIGHT for your families, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes." And in Friday morning's family devo we discussed how we will have to FIGHT our culture.

John 15: 18-19 says ¹⁸  “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. ¹⁹  If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you."

And THAT is when it hit me, this whole allegory of losing sweet Journey: I have to parent my children better than I parented that little beagle.

So, when the boundaries of discipline seem unfair, I cannot back away.

When the training causes pain that seems cruel, I cannot back away, even when it hurts ME, too.


When I receive criticism for how our family is training for the future, I cannot and will not back off. 


Because, I'm called to FIGHT.

*note the pain spoken of in the blog refers to emotional pain and, in the case of Journey, the pain of a shock collar as she, repeatedly, ran out of her boundary.

A New Season

Happy New Year!

Can I admit this one's already a weird one for me? I felt the distinct call to NOT make any resolutions (not that I've really gotten into that in the past anyway). But I've known since the middle of 2011 that this year of my life would be different (insert side note, I just started crying tears that I know are joy...where did that come from?!).

2011 was a year of the biggest life changes for me in..., well, perhaps ever. I mean getting married, having children, and following my husband to start a church were pretty big life changes, but in 2011, the Lord asked me to hand over the keys to where I had found my identity. If you've been around much, you saw it happen (painfully at times). My husband and I made the decision for me to leave teaching - a career and way of life and passion for 13 years. We made the decision to build a home on the family ranch (cowgirl/country living hasn't ever really been appealing to me...I like a grocery down the road and convenience all around). My sweet little photography business boomed more than I ever imagined, but even here (gosh, I'm admitting this), I felt the Lord asking for the keys. Fortunately, this time, I once I handed them over, I also felt Him telling me I could have them back - in moderation.

But the biggest calling was this:
"My calling - to help Jeremy be better in God than he is. To walk beside him, to nourish him, to talk deeply and intimately over spiritual matters, to connect with God. To use my gift of discernment, to sharpen him, to be his true help mate - selflessly and graciously and in humility; to cherish him, to encourage. What a high calling!"

Now, if you know me, your jaw just dropped. I'll pause for you to pick it up.

I'm more the "passive-aggressive" submissive wife. That statement up there that poured out at a conference (one where, for the first time, I completely surrendered MY ambitions and goals) from a surrendered heart and onto paper after a sincere prayer for the Lord to show me what I'm supposed to do because I don't know any more. I'm pretty used to being in control and knowing my next move(s) far down the road.

At that same conference, the phrase "be still" began coming to mind. Another "if you know me," you know I'm not still. In college I took 21 to 24 hours many semesters; while I taught full time I went to grad school and had my first baby; while I taught full time I sought my National Certification and started a photography business. I'm an "all in" type of gal; my mom said I started it young. But then, I quit teaching because I knew I was called to be a wife & mother, and what did I do? I crammed as much business and busyness into my life as possible. The call to 'be still' kept coming, however, and after many tears, wading through the mess I had made for myself, I'm on the other side.

I'm a bit lost.

I feel a bit unfocused.

But I know something wonderful is coming...